“We practice yoga so that we can take what we learn on the mat off the mat.”
(A previous yoga instructor)
Off The Mat
Many people describe college as the best time of their life. For me, I’m happy to say I wasn’t at my peak—I was at the height of my validation-seeking. However, that was masked by my newfound ability to have whatever I wanted, which validated my delusions about validation.
While I DID have a lot of wonderful memories, I also see it now as a time of great dysfunction and lack of awareness.
The world had become my buffet. My overachieving tendencies were not just met with approving numbers, like grades and GPAs. Now they were met with monetary rewards and rungs to the next project, the next promotion, the next step in my seemingly linear ladder upwards. My potential was infinite. I was climbing towards the stars.
Suddenly the ten boys in my high school graduating class were replaced with 20,000 boys that I HADN’T gone to school with since kindergarten—Many of whom would sit next to me in class or compliment my highly curated outfits or offer me free meals.
I was never so overdressed for daily life as I was in undergrad. I was never so hell-bent on filling up every second of my day. I was never so exploitative when it came to needing other people to regulate my self-esteem or tumultuous emotions or insomnia or OCD.
I had the world—or rather I had my pocket of my world—but I rarely enjoyed it.
My happiness, or rather what I believed happiness to be at the time, relied on a system as stable as a stack of cards. It was based on expanding, advancing, accumulating, but within a mind that cannot sustainably grasp outwards without also turning inwards, a body that cannot grow without also decaying, an education system that cannot inflate my sense of self without also inevitably spitting me out with nothing but the faulty beliefs it previously fed me.
On The Mat: Child's Pose
However, those classes eventually taught me how to pace myself. A (good) yoga instructor will offer various pose options so that you can meet your body where it is on that particular day. When you feel especially energized and ready to challenge yourself, you can. When you feel especially tired and need to take a gentler pose, you can choose that also. Both are held in equal regard.
Pushing yourself, especially beyond your limits, is not encouraged here the way it is in academics or most work environments. It taught me that I had been picking the pose that pushed me too far all my life, thinking that was success. It taught me that some days, I needed to be in metaphorical child’s pose every opportunity my day offered. Sometimes months or even years need to be spent in “restorative” poses.
Savasana
Savasana or the final relaxation period at the end of a yoga class is the epitome of rest and listening to your body. My favorite yoga instructor would always guide us through a full body scan where we would notice tension in different parts of our bodies and gently let that tightness go. We were instructed to do things like swallow to soften our throats, relax our tongues within our mouths (we often press our tongue to the roof of our mouth when stressed), and allow our fingers to relax into natural curls. During this time, we could choose whichever position felt best for us, whether that meant sitting a certain way or lying on our backs, our stomachs, or our sides. Some individuals would wrap blankets over themselves during this “cool-down” phase. Savasana would end with us curling up in a little ball in fetal position, using our arms as a pillow, and then easing our way back to a seated position. Here we would move our fingers and toes to bring sensation back into our bodies and reground us in the present moment.
Our Bodies Are Dynamic, Ever-Moving, Ever-Evolving Works of Art
Week after week, I showed up to those classes. I didn’t wear makeup. I didn’t dress up. I came in whatever state I was in and the class met me where I was. Eventually heels hurt more, too-tight outfits were simply too tight, the cosmetics sitting on my skin felt oily, and sometimes leaving my long hair down was too much of an inconvenience. I was learning what living my own skin felt like and what my body needed.
I was also unlearning the idea that my body was nothing more than a mannequin for the world to approve of. My body was for more than sex and validation and social media and other people. When I eventually became a certified yoga instructor myself, becoming aware of exercise physiology and anatomy taught me to view bodies (myself and others’) completely differently. As an individual with a background in psychology, I was already in awe of the human mind. But there is so much the human BODY is capable of! Our bodies are dynamic, ever-moving, ever-evolving works of art.
Additionally, as an instructor, leading students through Savasana quickly became my favorite part of class.
Only in a space (even a space you create by taking a pause to think and feel) where both challenging and resting are thought of as equally important, can you truly listen to your body and acknowledge its needs.
I wonder how those regular yoga classes would feel now—now that I'm not quite living at the edge of my bandwidth. Back then it was as if I lived life holding my breath, exhaling only once a week at these classes.
I used to be grateful when the opportunity for extra work presented itself to me, as it seemingly offered a way to advance my career. Now I’m equally grateful for Savasana–or sleep.
Listen To Your Body,
BrainwaveBlog ❤️