Someone once asked me, “Isn’t all love conditional? There are traits that draw us to a person and reasons we love them.”
And yet, our traits are neutral. To the people who don’t love us, those traits are repulsive. All of our little quirks are unbearably annoying, from the sound of our voice to the way we roll around in our sleep at night. But to those who love us, our mannerisms are magic. The way we do mundane tasks, the gait of our walk, and the cadence of our breath are all at once charming, sexy, lovable.
This goes against the messages of media and society. The “flawless” man or woman is a one-dimensional mannequin to us, but we’re told they’re more worthy of love. In reality, her laugh is fake and his touch is cold. No one can meet society’s expectations in every way and even if they seemingly do, are they really loved? THEM? Not the plastic shell, but the soul within?
When we love someone unconditionally, we love them on the condition that they are themselves.
We don’t love the output of the machine, but the machine itself. A perfect face of makeup, a dinner on the table, a paycheck in the bank, or a brilliant idea is what the mind and body we love churn out. But we love the creator and not the creation. The being, not the result. We love the origin of the brilliant idea. We love the cogs and gears and glittering kaleidoscope of a human that takes in this world and takes in who we are as we take in them. Through injuries, losses, and gradual decline, the personality of this machine, this box of skin and bones with a ghost inside, remains who they are. The soul is still there, even behind a gray, dusty curtain, and this is who we love. Additionally, the condition of being who we are, of being our own soul inhabiting our own body, is a condition we cannot change even on the days we desperately wish to escape who we are.
So, without love, what is a porcelain doll? Making love is just lonely motion and any attempts at connection are just efforts to ease the pain of knowing you are unknown. And yet through the eyes of love, the average person is a glorious god, with a touch of the eternal in them. Any areas of hurt attached to unconditional love are growing pains. To embrace unconditional love from another, or to embody unconditional love from within, is healing and joyful. To feel that un-thieve-able safety and warmth in your own body, from the fibers of your skin to the core of your spirit, is one of life’s greatest gifts.
We do everything we can to receive this gift. We throw our money to the wind, hoping we will someday earn love. This is why plastic surgery is addictive. We yearn to fix one flaw, only to find ourselves fixated on a new imperfection. Incision after incision, dollar after dollar, we still don’t love ourselves or believe others can. The stakes keep getting higher and higher. The carrot dangled in front of our eyes keeps moving as we strive to catch it.
The truth is that proving our lovability does not exist. Because true love is based on the condition that I am me and you are you. And how can you prove this? How can you prove that you meet the conditions of love when there are no conditions you weren’t already born with? Proof does not exist. The act of proving yourself is nonexistent too.
Further, this thing you chase is already housed within you. You had the power to love and be loved all along. Every commercial, magazine, product, and celebrity that told you otherwise is just another person clawing to make love theirs to keep too. But you handed your power over to the world, thinking they knew something you didn’t. You thought their words were truer than the truth.
The secret is, there is no reason someone can love us, except if we are loved for who we already are, and this is a gift we are allowed to offer ourselves. You were living, breathing lovability from before you were formed and you remain this until the end of time.
With Unconditional Love,
BrainwaveBlog ❤️