"I can recognize the beauty of other women, but it seems meaningless compared to the beauty I place on her."
There’s no way someone can be the most attractive to me by society’s standards. Firstly because my standards are different than society’s. Most celebrities that people find super hot, I either don’t find visually appealing at all or even if I do think they’re aesthetically attractive, it doesn’t mean much to me. Celebrity crushes are fluff and the ones I had as a teenager were based on the aura of a person more than visual traits. I don’t fantasize about them throughout my day or want to be with them. Second, in modeling competitions when you get “the most” attractive people in a room, who wins is subjective. No one can really be “it” for everyone. For every Miss Universe, there’s someone who would’ve preferred a brunette to a blond or someone shorter or someone taller. Not to mention, these standards are constantly fluctuating across time and culture.
I DO believe someone can be the most ATTRACTIVE to YOU by YOUR standards. I’ve been in relationships where everything about a person turns me on because I’m in love. To me, it’s important that I am also visually drawn to them, even if I weren’t in love, because I believe everyone deserves a partner who truly connects with every facet of their being
(also, let them be with someone who is physically attracted to them if you aren't). However, love adds a new dimension to that initial attraction. Maybe they aren’t the most attractive person I’ve SEEN, maybe they wouldn’t be conventionally attractive by society’s standards, but maybe they’re the most attractive person I’ve EXPERIENCED up until that point. I can find others aesthetically compelling or have fleeting moments of attraction but I wouldn’t prefer them to someone I'm with. I also tend to avoid these friendships and a lot of media out of respect for any given partner (I’ve learned that I feel safest when I'm with someone who thinks similarly). But even if they were next to any celebrity, I still wouldn’t prefer the celebrity because they’re not the person I love.
"There's a difference between looking and staring or lusting. It's normal to look around you and notice attractive people. It's not respectful to stare or lust after other people when you're with your SO."
Society teaches us early on that aesthetics and desire are the same thing, and that attraction and love are synonymous as well. The concepts of "love at first sight" or being "so gorgeous" that you're immune to infidelity perpetuate the idea that beauty is love (however, many public figures who have been voted "sexiest" have also been cheated on). We are groomed to place our entire worth on appearances and taught to see our partners as trophies. Further, we're conditioned to believe that good-looking people are kinder, smarter, and warmer. The protagonists in stories tend to be beautiful while the villains are described as ugly. This "Halo Effect" has been well documented. The fact that more opportunities open up in the world for these beautiful people (most likely due to these snap-judgements) has been well researched also.
The world is unfair, and yet love changes how you perceive a person.
In this sense, your partner really can be the sexiest, most handsome, most beautiful to you. When this is the case, others aren’t a threat, especially based on looks. A staged house may be impeccably decorated, yet you know it's not home. You'd sit in that luxurious space and feel homesick. Even if I feel more or less attracted to the person I'm with in certain moments, this won’t change over time because I’m attracted to their soul; The flame within the lantern that makes them glow from the inside out and will never extinguish.
Stay Beautiful,
BrainwaveBlog ❤️